BEFRIENDING STRANGERS

We make the world a better place by presenting ourselves, even to strangers, in a friendly manner. Two contrasting encounters on our visit to Abu Dhabi proved that truth. My wife and I were heading to a bus stop one morning, when a lady with a white head cover, approached us with a big smile. We’d never seen her before. And in Abu Dhabi, the local women never initiate conversation with outsiders. When she got to us she greeted us in broken English, embraced my wife and shook hands with me, seeming to admire us and welcomed us. She offered that she was from Indonesia. And we told her about our numerous trips to Bali to help a church. She kept smiling and wished us well.

     Set that experience beside a brush with rudeness at the Frankfurt airport. This was not a local German individual. I was lined up to pay for my coffee at McDonalds, when a young, scruffy-bearded young man stepped right in front of me to get to the teller. He never said a word, just pushed in. When I reminded him I was already in line, he scowled and reluctantly stepped back. The cold way he responded gave me an uneasy feeling. I even wondered if there might be something malicious about him.

     After meeting the woman, we hoped we could meet her again. And I wish I could always meet strangers with such care and interest. After meeting the young man, I rather wished I never had to encounter him again, except to try to help him reconsider his selfishness.

     The first encounter made us feel we perhaps had met an angel sent by God. The second one I thought I saw again later, at Heathrow Airport, leaning against a glass wall, watching me, expressionless. Hope I never meet him alone.

     I like to live in the world represented by the smiling, caring woman.

THE EMPATHETIC DOG

Maybe we could have empathy like this dog 

Lucky, a Golden Retriever, had the habit of storing all toys in the house and ones visitors might leave, in his downstairs dog bed. Whenever a visitor might call about an item left while at the house, Mary always knew where to look.

     It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease......in fact; she was just sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her....what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked the husband, Jim, Lucky was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him! The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

     The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

     Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.

     Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

     When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.
He had covered her with his love.

     Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free.

FIVE WAYS TO BECOME AN ENCOURAGER

Encouragers are the oil of society

Name an encourager from the Bible. Was your first thought Barnabas? His real name was Joseph, but the apostles nicknamed him “son of encouragement”. What a joy he must have been to his friends. Can you name some others who served as encouragers? How about Mordecai, Jonathan, Timothy, Martha and Mary, Jesus.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us…if it is to encourage, then give encouragement — Romans 12:6,8

Encouragers inspire hope, foster confidence, lift burdens, stimulate courage. Some possess the gift of encouragement. Some are “accidental encouragers” who surprise themselves when they’re given just the right word to share. Some want to be more encouraging, but are not sure how to go about it. But no one in the body of believers is exempt from exercising encouragement, for we are reminded to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thess. 5:11)

Turning to Scripture we find help for becoming an encourager:

1. Cultivate a positive attitude. Paul says, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Put this into practice and “the God of peace will be with you.” (Phil. 4:8,9)

2. Use words of encouragement. Proverbs reminds us that our words can either kill or give life; we choose what we want to offer. (18:21) The book of Hebrews calls us to spur one another on. (10:25).

3. Be sincere. The book of James cautions us to back up our words with deeds (James 2:16). When we share stories of vulnerability and faith in times of hardship we can encourage others going through similar circumstances. (2 Cor 1:4)

4. Come alongside. When Moses became tired, “Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset… So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army” (Ex. 17:12-13) The New Testament names encouragers who worked alongside the apostles, such as Barnabas, Judas and Silas (Acts. 15:32) and Timothy (1 Thess. 3:2).

5. Be encouraged. Be humble and allow others to encourage you. Immerse yourself in Scripture’s words of encouragement. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you daily.

Karen Wilber serves as the Editor of the Jesus Boat Blog community.

THOSE CHRISTMAS CELEBRATIONS

     It’s a Christmas gathering. You might be at a company event with a hundred people, or church dinner with twenty-five faithfuls, or with your family of six. You hear chatter all around you, and you are in the middle of all of this. Topics of discussion can get stuck on one thing and sometimes they meander like a lazy river in a big flat valley. There you sit (or stand) among the others. Are you the one who tells your life’s story for forty minutes while others listen? Are you the one who holds a drink, says nothing, moving the weight of your body from one side to the other, impatiently waiting for someone else to break into the other person’s endless tale, or do you drift off and try to find meaningful interaction with one or two others in a corner of the room?
     These parties are not always a heap of fun. One thing I could guarantee, though, is that if you watch for and befriend someone by giving encouragement, you will leave the event feeling good about it. If it is like most gatherings, there will always be someone whom you can affirm in some way. Interesting thing, too, is that if you become known as one who is positive and affirming, you will always have someone to talk with. Although we should check our motives, you will notice that you will begin being affirmed, also. You can do this. Merry Christmas.

DO NOT ASSUME THE WORST

To make a friend you will not assume the worst about the one you want to befriend. "Love believes all things" or "always trusts." That's what the Living Bible says. Love expects the best to come from people. Most often people live up to expectations and how they are viewed by others. To believe in others as a basic approach to life is mostly viewed as being unrealistic if not naïve. Basic trust in people rewards you many times, whereas being suspicious blocks out potentially good relationships. Jesus Christ, the most perfect of humans and also the most maligned, selected and worked with Judas for three years. He must have known the inner thoughts of this hypocrite, yet he allowed him to hang around. We do not possess the insight of Jesus Christ. So our love must be willing to give the benefit of the doubt, because it is very harmful to relationships to assume the worst. Christmas, a time for generosity, would be an ideal season to stretch out to others whose relationships are meager. You would provide much cheer to their lives.

HOLY, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFYING NIGHT

Unrest and pillaging filled most days back there during the Russian Revolution when my grandparents tried to raise ten children. Christmas Eve, they prayed and hoped, would still allow them a quiet, intimate time for family and worship.

     Tradition established a pattern of gathering around a freshly cut evergreen tree, decorated simply but beautifully with real candles flickering. The very special feature, however, was the Christmas tree stand, which turned and played Silent Night.

     They all gathered round their tree, a fire blazing and crackling in the big brick stove. The music played and no one spoke and when they did, the occasion required hushed tones. Such a holy night deserved and demanded respect. The Bible story of Jesus’ birth probably was read, and perhaps a few soft carols sung. Everyone savored the moment of peace and beauty.

     They cherished those moments only briefly and then the door flew open and a gang with guns plowed into the room where the family all sat stunned and petrified. Many stories circulated in the village of such intrusions, of pantries being emptied and ravaged, horses stolen, women raped, and men being kidnapped never to be seen again. Terror replaced the tranquility and beauty instantaneously.

     Then something amazing happened. The marauders stopped in their tracks when they saw the family scene. The yelling and barking orders stopped as though a switch had been turned. Without a word, they backed towards the door they had entered, left and did not return.

     The evening remained forever fixed in the minds of the entire family. When they migrated to Canada a few years later, the one item they all agreed had to come with them was the Christmas tree stand that plays Silent Night. So it could not be snatched by greedy officers on the train, they tied the stand under the train car until they crossed the border to Latvia. The delightful tree stand still plays Silent Night in a great grandson’s home every Christmas.

HOW TO BE A BORING FRIEND

How to Be a Boring Friend

If you enjoy not being befriended, here are some sure ways to guarantee you won’t be disturbed often .

1.      Wait for your friends or potential friends to make the contact. If you get tempted to make a phone call or send an e-mail, sit yourself down and tell yourself how busy you are, or convince yourself they don’t want to hear from you anyway.

2.      If you lose the battle with inner persuasion and end up talking to your friend anyway, keep your voice level and your ideas extra slow. Do not show excitement about anything. That should discourage them from categorizing you as a flake.

3.      Tell them everything you know about everything you know and talk a long time without giving them a chance to speak. After all, isn’t having friends about being able to let people know about you?

4.      Refuse to ask about them about what is happening in their lives. They’ve managed quite well without you until this moment. Just grab the occasion to unload about the terrible state of politics, taxes, the trash on television, the horrible neighbors you have, and how you really put down a nosey colleague. You might hear a click on the other end, but at least you got a chance to vent.

5.      They are bound to find you even more boring if you do not remember their milestones like birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, achievements. 

6.      Do not pray for them. Praying usually results in becoming empathetic.

I’ll have more suggestions if these do not work for you. But I think this will get you well on your way to be one of the least interesting persons your friends know. Maybe you have some ideas to offer yourself. What do you find boring in people?

(And another thing: Besides being a late starter with cyber stuff, I am also a turtle learner with internet. Right now am stretched to snapping while learning about blogging.)